Thursday, March 23, 2017

On diversions

I was wrong. I naively thought my anxiety-filled teaching days were over. Two classes that I've taught often enough to need minimal prep and students on track--I celebrated winning the adjunct lottery! And then.

Emails from a student who is off track arrived. Please please please...please please please kept coming. As I read I was riding on an out of control bus, not stopping at intersections, swerving across lanes. And clutching onto the pole, I wondered...why do I read emails after 5:00 p.m.? After all, the student is doing what students do.

I have developed a nervous tick that relates to the immediacy of technology, that I file in the addiction bin. I noticed this when I began reading books on my ipad. The time of day appears above the text, and so when I read I got in the habit of looking at the time. Then I read a real book. What a shock to find myself looking at the top of the page for the time, for a button, for a something to click.

The other day I listened to and watched a youtube video of Tara Brach, a favorite Buddhist teacher who gives weekly talks which she tapes. I watched on my ipad while simultaneously googling on my laptop her website, and read about her other lectures. I saw the craziness. . Ah...I long for present moment peace, but I think I may be allergic to it.

I digress. My student. I'll wait until working hours. I'll take a deep breath. Not take it personally (as if!).I'll go back to sleep or paint: the two activities where I do live in the now. Where I'm blanketed in color and comfort. On the right, some new painterly doodlings. 
.    

2 comments:

  1. I too realize it is best to avoid work email in the evening hours. No good news ever happens at that time and there is often little you can do about it other than lose sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for stopping by Mark! And yes, agreed on those nighttime email checks.

    ReplyDelete