Tuesday, August 1, 2017

On someone else's big break

I have the chills. I'm not sick, just super-excited for a CUNY student whose life is about to change in ways she can't imagine. And I'm remembering too when the possibility of fame came knocking at my door, via the exact same vehicle.

My friend and colleague taught a children's lit class at Bronx Community College this summer. Her students, many of whom are immigrants, wrote books informed by their childhoods in their home countries. Katherine kept telling me about one book about a parrot who flies to New York from the Dominican Republic, seeking America's fortunes. As the book moves along, one thing leads to another, and mangoes enter the scene. When I closed my eyes, colors popped behind my lids--orange, red, blue--I began to dream about going to DR, the heck with the U.S. (for more than mangoes, but that's another story).  

Well, Katherine must have seen brightness, too. She contacted a writer at The New York Times and told him about her class, the stories, especially the one about parrots and mangoes. He saw color, too, I'm certain. Because an article about the young woman was in yesterday's "Side Street" column.

"She's going to get a book deal," I said with confidence. And today--one day later--Katherine called me. "You're a genius!" she said. "A top NYC agent wants to represent her!" Not a genius, just been there, and I know the power of the Times. But still, I get a wonderful onset of the chills. Lovely little pin pricks tickling my arms, my scalp. How great for the student. And, too, for community college students, so many of whom don't see glitter ahead.

Deep sigh. Pen to page. Fingers to keyboard. Show up. Every day or as often as possible. Not just at the writing but for myself. Whatever the creative impulse. Many years ago, when my call came, I wasn't ready for the agents. It wasn't because I hadn't shown up for the writing--I had--two three times a day, and when I was on fire and had the time, all day. But my inner work--the fixative that writing served me--hadn't yet solidified. 

Agents. Book deals. They're not part of my dreams anymore. Writing time has been replaced by the gym, the precious 40 minutes on the elliptical when I put on the headphones, tune out and sweat. For the past month I've noticed that I get that runner's high, or at least, am emotional and physical putty all day. Why stir my well with words, when they always find their way to something inside, not-yet-fixed?

An RSVP to a family wedding sits on a shelf near my door. I haven't seen these cousins in years; they likely think I won't go. I'm in conflict. It's the first time since the election I would be at political odds with a sea of people. It's a traditional ultra-orthodox affair--something to experience, engage in, respect. I want to rise above that which blocks me. Or at least, put it aside. It's the "right" thing to do. But I'm not quite sure.


  1. I think you should still keep writing! It's time for your next novel...a romantic mystery would be fun! :D

  2. Thank you for the nudge D! I started an essay yesterday, and I'm remembering that wonderful feeling of needing to return and return and return until it's right.

  3. I think you should keep writing AND go to the wedding.

  4. Yes...writing, I will get to that. Re, wedding, you need to read my blog more timely, so that I can get your sage advice in time.